Buying A Car... One Idiots Guide

There comes a time where every loved automobile needs to find a new home. Sometimes that home is with a child, sibling, or front yard (only after it's up on blocks and the wheels are off of course.)

In my case, it's time to send my 1988 Honda Prelude Si off to a new home. I have a hunch that it will end up in the hands of a 17 year old who will trick it out and probably get more love in it than I did (hey -- it's hard to get frisky in a Japanese car when you're 6'3"... of course lack of opportunity might have also played a role.) While I'm not too worried about its final destination I have to say that it's going to be hard to replace it.

I started my search on eBayMotors.com... this was to get an idea of what my options are. I'm not too sure that I'm ready to purchase a car online, but you never know. Stranger things have happened (daily in fact!)

 From where I see it I have three choices:

1) Sports Car
2) Sedan
3) SUV

What I'm basically saying is that I'm not going to be seen dead in a mini-van and I really don't think I'm tough or cool enough to pull off a pick-up truck (though my friend Jeremy seems to do quite well with a Dodge Ram Dually...)

So, until I can make up my mind as to what it is that I really want, here is how I see the choices stack up::

Sports Car: Act Your Age

"I really, really, really want a sports car. I want a car that will go so fast that someone from ICBC will actually take my license away from me as I sing the ownership papers." Unfortunately the voice in my head that says that is the part that wants to believe that I'm still 21 years old.

The most depressing moment of my sports car search came when I found an amazing 2001 Ford Mustang GT... 5 speed... modified body kit... it looked awesome. I don't fit. How much does that suck? I don't fit. Who's designing these things?? Garry Coleman? There's a new mustang on the way... let's hope for better results.

A sports car would be lots of fun... let's face it, I love to drive and sports cars are a great way to get where you're going. Unfortunately for the 21 year old inside, the 34 year old is asking questions like "where will the golf clubs fit" and "what if we have more than one person to drive home from a bar" (what can I say -- the 34 year old is also an optimist in many ways.)

Sedan: My Father's Lincoln

Picking a sedan without a family is a sign of maturity... I think. I mean -- really... I have no practical reason to own 4 doors. Heck, I only use one door on the car that I have now. But the idea of having the option is quite alluring. Perhaps I'll feel more like an adult behind the wheel of a sedan. Maybe women will think I'm more sophisticated (admittedly, having the Offspring blaring from the stereo might make that difficult.)

Basically my interest in a sedan is for space. Not the "throw in your sofa and kitchen sink" kind of space, but the space that lets me keep more crap in the back seat. Old files, receipts, possibly things that I want to mail but keep forgetting. And let's not forget the crap I can cram into the trunk of a sedan. Compared to a sports car I could sublet the trunk space of a sedan as a multi-family dwelling.

Unfortunately the 21 year old voice has some good input here. It's nearly impossible to find a sedan that has manual transmission. Like I said -- I love to drive. While automatics are nice... they're not really driving. They're more like... well... cruising. Which is all well and fine, just not for me.

SUV: A Boy, His Dog, and His Truck

I keep looking at SUV's even though I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out for one. From a practical standpoint, I've never been off road to any degree that would require four-wheel drive... the last time I was at Mt. Washington to go skiing, George's dad was trying to get Saddam.

Other reasons why I don't think I'm cut out for an SUV are: I drive in town all the time, I don't have a dog, I don't own anything that requires a trailer (or a thule rack for that matter), they're way too slow and most importantly -- I don't camp! It seems that every guy I know who owns and SUV camps.

While that rant stands true, I do think that having a car that could go up Mt. Washington (and not slide back into the Straight) might be one of the key reasons why I haven't been up there in 12 years. Perhaps if I had four wheel drive I would actually use that K2 Eldorado Snowboard my brother Marv bought me three years ago.

And if I did have an SUV, perhaps I would be more inclined to get a puppy... and well.... if I get a puppy... that just might rescue my love life (though I have my doubts... puppies are only so cute... can't go expecting miracles!)

Choices Choices Choices...

What am I looking at? Well here's the list of the cars that are currently on the top of my list:

1) Subaru WRX (would love the STi but let's face it... $50K?? I'll pass)
2) Mazda 6 (this would be the winner if it had AWD)
3) Isuzu Vehicross (wicked truck... one problem - it's illegal in Canada.)
4) Toyota Supra (most recent body style... twin turbos please)
5) Pontiac Vibe (unfortunately my younger brother has one... damn!)
6) Dodge SRT-4 (a jacked up Neon... might be a little too small)
7) Mini Cooper S (go kart with a license plate -- golf clubs don't fit thou.)
8) Honda Element (I know it's goofy looking, but it's cool... and not as bad looking as the Pontiac Aztec... sorry Dave.)
9) Nissan Xterra (a buddy has one... and he's cool.... maybe I could be too. Unfortunately he was cool before the truck -- so not likely.)
10) Volkswagen Jetta (the official car of Gen X.)

I'll be sure to let you know where my vehicular chase ends... in the meantime, if you can think of something that I should look at, email me!